Thursday, May 7, 2009

Skeptic's Circle #... Uhhh... Does the one that never happened still count? I dunno. In honor of Calvinball edition, it's #Oogy. So there.

Other kids' games are all such a bore!
They've gotta have rules and they gotta keep score!
Calvinball is better by far!
It's never the same! It's always bizarre!
You don't need a team or a referee!
You know that it's great, 'cause it's named after me!

Welcome to the Skeptic's Circle #Oogy (part of a once-reported Calvinball score of oogy to boogy), Calvinball Edition! The Skeptics will play the Woos in a massive game of Calvinball! Who will win? Who will lose? Will this game actually determine which set of ideas is crappy pseudoscience, or is that discernible from the crap the false idea's supporters spew in support? Probably the latter, but let's watch the game anyway in hopes something amusing will happen! And hopefully nobody will lynch the King of Ferrets for not really being good at pretending to be a sportscaster! You won't, right? Right? Oh, crap... Mommy!

Ummm... it's not me, it's Richard Little imitating Howard Cosell! (whoever the hell they are, I'm just inserting a random Futurama reference)

After many games of actual sports that make sense, with the Woos losing every time, we've finally come to the sport the Woos should prove best at, Calvinball! Since they get to make up their own rules, without actually paying attention reality, this should be significantly biased in favor of the Woos!

Apparently, a Woo has just made the rule that the players need to run to melting icebergs near the North Pole (which has absolutely nothing to do with people, of course. No, srsly. It really doesn't. Stop attacking that assertion with your relentless logic, dammit!), and have a lightsaber duel with Jenny McCarthy for theMagical Menopause Supplements, while Jim Carrey uses propaganda to support his ideas of vaccines and autism and lies his ass off to distract them. Supposedly, he gets his information from the Huffington Post. Doing this first will raise their team's score by 1 point, to R. Oooh, the skeptics have horribly beaten McCarthy and Carrey! They're at R now! Now they seem to be exchanging their Magical Menopause Supplements for an eBay (dat's tree se-par-ate lanks, raight dere, not just one), because woos aren't particularly creative and tend to form preconceptions of how things should work, which are very hard to break them out of, and the skeptics haven't bothered to make any rules yet. In this case, they seem to think it should work like Legend of Zelda. Oh, it's a close race to the eBay! The Woos are ahead by a hair! The Skeptics are catching up! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand... The Skeptics make it just ahead of the woos! They've exchanged their magic pills for the eBay, so they're now at 52.4! The Skeptics have declared a new rule: To get the next points, you must have some basic understanding of what an atheist actually is! Since Woos don't actually know anything about this subject, I'm anticipating another point to easily go to the Skeptic's.

*1 hour later*
zzzz- Huh, whah? Oh, yeah, Calvinball game. Right. The lecture the Skeptics were giving the Woos about atheism kinda put me to sleep, since it had to be repeated so many times for the Woos to understand it. Anyway, the Skeptics are ahead Blook-0 now, and have shown no signs of slowing down. They've defeated the mighty Christian Debt Scam, toppled the Tower of Common Sense (while you're there, check out the rest of the Doggerel series), provided evidence against the alt-med Argumentum ad Populum (at least, that's one implication of this, I think), and trudged through the deadly Large Amount of Stuff Russell Blackford Wrote That I Couldn't Figure Out Where To Fit In swamp. The Skeptics seem to be getting drunk off their asses now because they isn't actually a way for the Woos to win this game anymore, and they got bored. Go them!

...please don't lynch me!

Okay, didn't work. *yanks out a walkie-talkie* Initiate last line of defense! *KoF drops the walkie-talkie and runs*

*A distracting giant fireworks display starts, ending with a firework that explodes into the pattern of the phrase, "You voted for it!"*

*Meanwhile, KoF has escaped and the next part comes over his dropped walkie-talkie*

My friend Akusai is up next over at Action Skeptics, so submit stuff to him. And since I'm pretty sure I didn't do overly well this time with the Calvinball thing, I think I'll just not do anything special if I decide to host the Circle again. Or maybe the woo-spam thing, because that seems like it would be easier.

If you submitted something and don't see it in this post, I probably had a decent reason for omitting it. Unless sleep deprivation was clouding my judgment (which is likely), then I may have had a half-assed reason that won't seem half-assed till later.


Prup (aka Jim Benton) said...

Despite the many problems with getting this out, the numbering and all, i think you did a first rate job, and liked the Calvinball structure a LOT better than some other attempts in the past. Don't put yourself down, you don't deserve it.

King of Ferrets said...

Oh, the putting myself down was mostly an attempt to make it funnier.

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